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mary313 @ 2007-02-07T13:02:00

2007-02-07T18:03:27Z

A new family addition Wednesday, February 07, 2007

So I talked Matt into letting me get a bird. It's my sister's actually, she has like 8 parrots and she is trying to down size. It is a black-headed ciaque, and he is a hilarious little bird. I have always loved him and told my sister if she ever needed to get rid of him, that I wanted him. He is normally like a $700.00 bird. He talks, says I love you, and kiki bird ( his name is KIKI) he makes kissing sounds, and says baby baby baby. He loves to hop around and if he's standing on your finger you can pretend to shoot him and he will fall over and hang upside down from your finger!

We will be going to CT on the 18th to pick him up!

__________________

~Mary~

Oh and we might be moving to Pittsburg in the near future. There is a new Costco opening there and Matt wants to get a transfer. We would actually be able to buy a house!! :)

Broke

2007-01-16T22:08:07Z

Well, I just bought my books for the spring semester. They are soooo expensive. And I found out today that I need glasses. My right eye is much worse than my left. So it will be hard to get used to wearing them.

Some dumb bitch at work tried to scam me out of $100.00. She bought a $2 item and gave me a 100 dollar bill. Thank while I while getting her change, she tells me that she founf $2 in her bag. So I took her $2 and gave her back the $100.00. She switched it quick with a 1 dollar bill and said that I gave it to her instead of the hundred. I had closed my drawer, and she said that she would buy a bottle of water so I could open the drawer.
So I wrang it up and was giving her the change for the hundred, and than it just occured to me that I did give her the hundred and not the one and she was trying to play me. I worked at a bank for 3 yrs, I am good at cash handling.. So I told her that I would have to have my manager count my drawer first, so she said that she had to move her car, and she left, never coming back. I was very close to giving her that money,a nd I would have lost my job because of her. I hate people!!

Some pics

2007-01-14T20:25:16Z

Matt, sleeping Chrostmas day! :)

Tiana

My ring :)

My older brother Mike

My younger brother Talon

Sam

mary313 @ 2007-01-14T14:52:00

2007-01-14T19:52:40Z

Well, so far 2007 has been going just fine I guess. I went back to work on January 3rd, witch has been ok, I only wish that they would give me some more hours so I can catch on some bills. I start my 5th semester in college on Jan 22nd. I cannot wait to be finish and finally be able to get a real job, so we can move, buy a house and have a baby!
My sister is doing good with her pregnancy. SHe is having a baby girl and I think they are going to name her Sara. She is due on June 1st.
My brother is out of the hospital and in treatment programs battleing his drug probelm. He is biopolar, and also very asthmatic, so that doesnt help. He is also clinically depressed. But for now, he seems to be doing ok.
Matt finally gave me that diamond ring that I wanted for Christmas, it is very nice, I love it, but I have to get it sized down.
I also finally sold my 150gallon tank for $600. and we got rid of our geckos and fish. Now we only have our two kitties who I love very much, we are thinking of getting another. With my back being all messed up, it's just easier not to have to deal with so many animals.
It still hurts, not nearly as bad as it did, but some days it's really bad. I will not let them cut me though.
Sam and I still hang out when I go to CT. WHich is good. We have a lot of fun together. I havnet talked to Chad or the other guys in a long time. Thats all for now!
Ciao.

mary313 @ 2006-10-09T14:16:00

2006-10-09T18:17:20Z

My sister is pregnant. I am very excited for her. SHe has been trying for a long time. We would have had our babies at the same time!

mary313 @ 2006-10-01T12:30:00

2006-10-01T16:33:48Z

So, I have been bleeding and cramping for 16days now. And I went to the doctors and found out why.

I am having a miscarriage.They said I was like 2mnths along. I didnt even know I was pregnant. I am feeling very

shitty right now...

Someone else did.

2006-09-23T12:48:15Z

Di d you notice how I did my hair
No-but someone else did.
Did you notice that new scent I wear
No-but someone else did.
Do you remember that important class I had,
the one that made me so nervous
No-but someone else did.
Do you wonder or even realize that I had a change of plans
No, you didnt
but someone else did.
Do you remember the little things
that once made me smile,
or some event in the past that even I had forgotten...
Do you notice the lights in my eyes have faded,
or that even when I'm right here
I'm somewhere far away.
Have you noticed that I do not smile as big or as often
Do you remember the sound of my laugh.
Do you remember how to make me feel loved,
to make me feel special,
to make me want to stay forever...
Apparently not
But someone else does.

Yeah

2006-09-14T01:01:00Z

So my hubby actually went out and bought me my very own laptop so we dont have to fight over the other one! It is great. I am happy. Thats the only good thing going on in my life right now!! I have a terrible cold, my poison ivy is finally going away, my back hurts more than ever, I have to go to physical therapy 4x a week now and I have to go get steriod injections in my spine. If that doesnt help, I will need surgery!!!! That sucks major!! And I feel my marriage is falling apart. I have come to realize that my husband is a miserable fuck, and makes everyone around him just as miserable in his company. He is so up tight and stubborn.. We just do not see eye to eye anymore. I dont think we ever really did. But he probably knows that if he would have acted the way he does now, back then, I never would have married him or moved from CT.

School is going good. Thank god that I at least have that going on, or I'd die of boredum. Is it just me, or does your sex life seem to die, or at least get very boring after a while? I have no interest in having sex with him anymore. And that is bad. It's just the same shit everytime.. And Matt.. you're my husband, you dont have to ask me if I want to have sex or as he says "do you want to do some" ?? How laime is that. I hate when he asks.. if I'm not in the mood, then find a way to get me in the mood!! DUH!!

Anyhow.. thanx for letting me vent!

ciao

<3 Mary

some pics

2006-09-10T14:02:12Z

My 3 gallon tank :)

mary313 @ 2006-09-10T08:24:00

2006-09-10T12:27:03Z

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss, and call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would tape each word and action, play them back throughout my days.
If I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two,
To stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you know I do.

So just in case tomorrow never comes, and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never will forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike.
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So, if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out
to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,
That you love them very much, and you'll always hold them dear.
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

Norma Cornett Marek ~ 1989

NEVER FORGET

mary313 @ 2006-09-02T11:36:00

2006-09-02T15:35:49Z

Well, so far I think I will like all five of my classes this semester! All of my teachers seem very cool. My back has gotten worse over the past couple of days. I am worried that when I have my appointment with the surgeon she will tell me I need to have surgery. Not only do I not want them to cut me, I do not want to have to miss class. I am in the honors program, my classes are hard and I take them very seriously. I dont have the types of classes that you can miss a few days of and still get an A or even a B. I cant allow that to happen. But, at the same time, I am going to be cripple pretty soon if my back contiues to get any worse!
Our finaces are a mess right now! That has me very stressed out. I need to go back to work. Matt's new schedule sucks!! He goes in at 11pm and gets out between 11am -12pm the next day. He comes home, goes on the computer, then sleeps for the rest of the day. Our computer is in our bedroom (his idea) and it sucks because now, I cant use the computer while he's in here trying to sleep.
Our life has become very, very boring. I hate that about life. We never go anywhere, we barely talk.. I run off to Ct every chance I get just to get away and try to bring a little excitement back into my life! It's not so bad now I guess, only because I have so much damn school work to do all the time, I'm usually busy with that! My daughter starts school on the 7th! I cant wait!!!

Some pics

2006-08-22T09:17:27Z

I dont think they came out half bad considering I shot them all myself with the 10sec self timer while proping the camera up on my TV set!

Just messin around

2006-08-17T00:04:49Z

I have been out of work for some time now, I will probably end up needing surgery on my back. Sucks!!

I have been messin around with my camera, so here are some shots.. Let me know what you guys think! :)

I am a little camera shy, but I am trying to break myself of that. I was even thinking about becoming a suicide girl!!! I know, ME right! LOL

<3<3
Mary

For Better or for Worse

2006-07-22T21:46:57Z

I wrote a poem for you, it is called My Tears:

Do not be alarmed my dear,
if I cry when something is bothering me,
be concerned, but do not be alarmed.

Be alarmed instead when I am bothered, and the tears
stop falling, when my sadness is replaced with anger,
for I will no longer care, you will no longer be worth my tears,
and the end may soon be near.

I wrote that for you, to maybe help you understand. But I will not read it to you. You will never know it even exists. There are so many things that I wish I could say to you. Things that, for our survival as husband and wife, I probably need to say; but you never listen. You hear what you want to hear, and twist my words so that they carry a heartless, and uncaring meaning. I have tried to get through to you, lord knows that I have. But instead of resolve, I find myself once again, escaping into the safety of a shower, where the water beats down on my face, blending with my tears, and falls heavily against my chest. Or could it be my heart, that now resides temporarily inside of my throat, that is giving me that heavy chest feeling? I do not know, and I will not utter a single word of this to you.
I wish you knew how hard I try. I wish you could look at me, the way that I look at you, and see that I am physically, and mentally drained. I wish that you were more considerate of my feelings. I feel like you do not appreciate me, like your time is worth more than mine. Would you know how much I do, if I just stopped doing it? Would you notice then? You say that you are who you are, and it’s not going to change. But you are capable of changing; I’ve seen you do it, slowly over time like a rock that is slowly reshaped by the water that passes over it.
I have changed for you. I have left behind so much of the person that I was, to become your wife. I have watched my belongings, that I somehow accumulated over time, disappear; left behind somewhere along the line, like so many of the people that I once called friends; in another state, and in another time. I said good bye to that life, and embraced my life with you, by your side. Everything I do, I do to make you happy, and I think I do a good job, because I do not often hear you complain. Or could you just be holding it in, the same way that I do?
Why is it so hard for you? Will you ever truly become my husband, the way that I have become your wife? Will you ever be able to look at me, and know what I am thinking, what I am feeling; like two close friends should be able to do?
Do you know that marriage is a full time job, and one of my four full- time responsibilities that I do not take lightly. What does it mean to you? You let things slip easily out of your mouth at times. Things that I would have such a hard time saying to you, things that I would never say, unless deep in my heart, I meant every word. What if I did what you asked of me, in your moment of anger, and frustration? What if I did leave, and you had to come home to an empty house, and sleep in an empty bed, and your life was now yours again to be selfish with? Would that make you happy? Is that what you really want?
I am so easy to please; I do not ask you for much. You know that I have a lot on my plate right now. I have only asked you for consideration, and understanding. Maybe some help around the house every now and then would be nice too. It’s the little things that mean so much. Do you realize that you are able to come home, and not worry about anything, because I am here, doing everything? That while you are fast asleep, I am awake going over in my head, all of the things that I have to get done the next day? It’s sometimes more than I can take.
Can you see that in spite of all your flaws, that I love you all the same. Do you know that it would kill me inside to have to leave you; because it has crossed my mind. If you think that I have no where else to go, than you do not know me at all.
I will not speak a word of this to you again, because I have already said it many times before. Instead, I will continue to try. I will work at it as hard as I am capable, for as long as I can, because I love you. Because I made a promise to you, for better or for worse. When we first got together, you told me that I would be the one to end our relationship, that it would have to be me who walked away, because you never would. There is a part of me that believes that to be true, all though I pray that I am wrong. I do think that I will be the one who walks away, but I will not be the one who gives up, who stops trying, that will be you.

Kitty cat dance.. LOL

2006-07-22T14:32:39Z

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/kittycatdance.wmv

My daughter found this in the yard

2006-07-20T01:06:36Z

It's a Pandorus Sphinx Moth

What would you do? I need your advice!

2006-07-05T22:47:21Z

Life .. It Is what you make of it, right!?? Than why is my life falling a part? Was it something I did that made it this way? I do not know.. How I will fix it, is also a mystery!

My husband.. of 2 years next month, a hard worker, he provides for us, myself and my daughter. Right now, he is our financial backbone, through him we have medical coverage. He cooks more than most men do, he isnt a huge slob, and will sometimes help clean up..
He is not my daughter's real father, but he married me knowing that it meant that he would assume that role in her life.
At first, he was very good with her. He seemed paitent and caring. And in my eyes, this was the perfect man for me, for us.. We got along so well, and laughed all the time. How could I not marry him, right!!
We've been together for 3years. And I guess he has just gotten to his maximum level of comfort, that I am his, or something...

Our life.. presently,
we just moved into a new apartment together and signed a 2yr lease. But I am afraid that our relationship is slowly dieing, and it is his hand holding the the knife.
He has an explosive temper, and it's the most random of shit that sets him off.
Now, if it was just me who stood in his line of fire, than maybe it wouldnt be as bad, but 95% of the time it is directed at my 10yr old daughter. She has told me that she thinks he hates her, and sometimes when I see the way he looks at her, I feel the same way. How heartbreaking it is for me to be in such a situation. My daughter is my life, and for the longest time it was really just her and I , like two friends hanging out, doing whatever, we did things together.

There are certain things that you should never say to a child and my husband has said every one of those things to her. He even called her a cunt, and it is hard for me to even admit that. But he did, and I was devestated. My daughter is not a bad kid, he acts like she's the spawn of satan!
He never thinks before he acts, and yells before he asks any questions. He can go from being a total sweet heart to a complete prick within seconds, than he can simply act like it never happened while I'm still heated!
Everytime we argue about his behavior, and anger issues, his only reply is to say, "This is just the way that I am, if you dont like it than leave, find a new husband and get a divorce". He's never once said that he is wrong, that he would work on changing, on controling himself. Most of the time, he doesnt even think he's done anything wrong.
He is a very dominating person, and almost every aspect of our lives is decided by him ,right down to our silverwear! It's his way or no way. In 3 yrs, he has managed to strip away almost everything I owned, everything that I spent so many years of my life working to have, and he's replaced it with things of his own. I look around "our" apatment, and it's not me.. nothing is mine. If I was to leave (which he seems to think that I wont) it would be very easy. Between my stuff and my daughter's , it could all fit right in the back of my truck. I hate New York anyway, and his goal is to move further south, so I would be completely helpless and even further from my family and friends.
I do not know what to do. But I do know that I am not happy, that my daughter is not happy, and he is not going to change. I am tired of having the same fight with him.
We never go anywhere.. And my daughter is never including in the things we do at home. Everyday of my life is pretty much exactly the same. And I do not want to live like this. Life is too short. Today, my daughter and I went and donated both of our new little ferrets to a pet store because of him. Even our sex is predictable. I could tell you each and every step from start to finish (not that I am going to) but the routine rarley ever changes. And he has no concept of 4play!!

Then there is everything else. I now live in a very nice apartment, that I could not afford alone, I am about to start my fourth semester in college, I am out of work on a worker's comp case, and now have to get physical therapy 2-3 times per week....

So my question is... what would you do??? Is it worth it for me to stay and try? Should I go home to CT? There are many places I could go, many people there willing to help me, it would be easy to do. It's just such a big step, and once I start it in motion, it's not something you could easily stop..
:SIGH:
Advice ,..please!

mary313 @ 2006-06-21T14:14:00

2006-06-21T18:16:55Z

My New little fuzzies.. this one is Chester

This one is teenie

mary313 @ 2006-06-20T14:11:00

2006-06-20T18:14:25Z

I hurt my back at work. I ended up in the ER, it really hurts, and the meds they gave me for the pain isnt doing shit..
This really sucks. I havent been to work since Friday. I have the worst luck ever! How can I pack and move when Im in pain. This needs to get better very soon.

Stuff For Sale

2006-04-19T23:30:23Z

TO ANYONE LIVING IN THE LONG ISLAND AREA OR IS WILLING TO TRAVEL

I am selling a 55 gallon reptile set up with an iron stand and a 20 gallon long set up with it. Nothing wrong with any of it, i just hate looking at empty tanks.. $300.00 takes all. Includes heat lamps, rock, under the tank heaters, and screen tops, some decor as well. Please leave a comment if interested.

I am also looking to get rid of my 150 gallon fish tank set up. It comes with a cabinet stand,light, filters (ehiem, & emporor& whisper), heaters, decor, nets, python cleaning system and more.. Only asking $675.00 for all. It's a great bargain!

Hope to hear from ya soon!

Take care
Mary

Some more pics

2006-04-04T02:58:54Z

mary313 @ 2006-04-03T22:56:00

2006-04-04T02:56:07Z

[IMG]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y48/Mary313/P1000101.jpg[/IMG]

mary313 @ 2006-04-01T09:02:00

2006-04-01T14:18:16Z

Some pics I took , messin around with my new camera. Im still learning how to use all the functions.

Any Advice?

2006-03-22T23:06:58Z

I'm looking into purchasing a digital, SLR camera under $1000. I've done a lot of research and I'm stuck between 2.
The Canon Digital rebel 350XT or the Olympus Evolt E-500..
If any one can make any suggestions, I would appreciate it!

Thanx
Mary